MY HEART
My Heart
Journal thoughts:
"Today, I thought it was important to talk about how I’m feeling after six months of moving to Portland. I had lived many kinds of experiences that I never thought I would have again. As an exchange student, I had some of them, some were nice, but some were frustrated, shameful, and demotivated. I’m a strong woman. I always have been, and my friends know it. Although I’m 58 years old, and I’m living those experiences again in 6 months with one more issue, these days my energy is too low, because I’m graving. I love to learn new things, to challenge myself, and to be out of the box, also I don’t like to disappoint my children and the people who know me. It has been hard to start almost all over again, well to be fair everything again, community, communicating with people in another language, search for medical care, even though recognize myself as a professional, person and mother. Yes, as a mother mostly with Isabella who became the most wonderful woman capable of everything. Seeing her now makes me think where is Claudia the woman that raised her? Where is the woman that taught her to be whatever she wanted? Neither with Nico who is beginning his professional life."
"When I watch the news and social media, or my friends talk about mental illness and depression I don’t understand where that would come from because I always thought that believing in yourself and being strong was enough but now, I do think they come from some disorder chemical, or our darkest spots in our brain (our demons.) It has been like a rollercoaster with ups and downs. The grieving process of my life and my mother's is a process of going through many emotions at the same time blame, anger, denial, and acceptance of that change is painful but it also has many lessons I have learned."
"I thought that when I retired, I would be free to express myself, to do whatever I wanted, and the most important thing is that I thought I could help people with my knowledge. Many doors my daughter has helped me knock but none has opened yet, and for me, it has been new, tough, and crazy because my thoughts come out of my brain making me think that I’m not good enough like I thought I was. During this time of my life being ghosted, rejected, fooled, and told that I am not good enough or that I don’t bring networking is hard. Thank God, he always sends me angels to rescue me with a friend called, my son Talks, my son-in-law's help with his friends, or my daughter's guidance, ideas, connections, hugs, and treats."
"Every day I wake up thinking today is going to be a good day many opportunities are coming, and nothing happen. Recently I discovered that I’m suffering from imposter syndrome, and I don’t know how to handle how to fix it. I think that I must discover what I want to do in my life, and I must trust my intuition maybe it is not working, maybe it is writing ha, or being an entrepreneur. The only thing that I know is that I must be happy. If I’m happy my children are happy, and my friends are happy. After all this, I have hope it has been only 6 months, I have 40 years more."
"For now, I’m going to start fighting this battle between my angels and demons. I must follow my heart and give love to the world around me, people, and nature. I know that my real me is someplace deep enough to be happy and make them happy."
“ALWAYS I’M IN THE RIGHT PLACE IN THE RIGHT MOMENT. I DON’T FOLLOW. MY PRESENCE NATURALLY BRINGS POSITIVE EXPERIENCES. AND I EXIST. I TRUST THE CORRECT MOMENT IN MY LIFE, AND I HUG MY JOURNEY WITH GRATITUDE AND TRUST.”
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